Donkey: You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly.
Donkey: And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man there were some strong gases eeking out of my butt that day.
Donkey: Please. I don't wanna go back there. You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well maybe you do but that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!
[about Snow White] The Mirror: Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy.
Donkey: Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.
Shrek: I have helmet hair.
Donkey: Come on princess you're not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you're only like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7.
Donkey: Then you gotta gotta try a little tenderness! Chicks dig that romantic crap.
Lord Farquaad: Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?
Shrek: No. I'm an ogre. You know... grab your torch and pitchfork. Doesn't that bother you?
Donkey: Don't worry princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until... No wait. I'm still afraid of the dark!