Scott: If you've got a time machine, why don't you just go back and kill Austin Powers when he's sitting on the crapper or something?
Dr. Evil: Well it's true! You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough.
Felicity Shagwell: Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, shag very well by reputation.
Fat Bastard: Of course I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead.
Dr. Evil: I would probably move on, get another clone but there would be a 15 minute period there where I would just be inconsolable.
Dr. Evil: Mini Me, stop humping the laser.
Fat Bastard: I'm bigger than you and higher up the food chain. Get in my belly.
Fat Bastard: First things first: Where's the shitter? I've got a turtle-head poking out.
Austin: I don't care if he is a fat bastard Felicity. You don't kick a man in the pills. It's just not cricket.