Titembay: Someone has been pissing on my Gamecube and I'm about to close the case.
Mark: We'll probably head over there right after we bury your mom.
Carol: Don't stay in here all day. I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector; it was beeping all night.
Dr. Cohen: I found my ex-best friend's cufflinks in my wife's purse one time. I couldn't get an erection for a year and a half.
Aunt Sylvia Largeman: I made you something. It's a shirt.
Mark: The only thing worse than a favor is a favor involving money.
Andrew Largeman: And I don't want this guy taking you to some sketchy quarry in the middle of Newark to find crack whores huffing turpentine or pit bulls raping each other or whatever else is down here!
Kenny: Plus the benefits are great! you know... If I get shot on the job, I'm like... rich!
Sam: I have three Dobermans, and if I didn't kick them in the balls on a regular basis, I'd never get anything done.
Andrew Largeman: They sent me away to boarding school. Sent me away makes it sound like they sent me to an asylum. There were no straps involved.
Andrew Largeman: I don't want to waste another moment of my life without you in it.
Andrew Largeman: You changed my life. You changed my life, and I've known you four days. This is the start of something really big. But right now I gotta go.
Mark: Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole.
and our favorite Garden State quote
Sam: Ooh, great job man! I really thought you were retarded. I mean you're better than that Corky kid and he's actually retarded. If there was a retarded Oscar you would win hands down.
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