Dudley Heinsbergen: You wanna play some word games or do some experiments on me or anything?
Royal: I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. That's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.
Margot: I think we're just gonna to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that Ritchie.
Richie: Of course it's dark. It's a suicide note.
Royal: I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a terribly attractive woman.
Royal: That's the last time you put a knife in me! Ya hear me?
Royal: Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hitting the cemetery?
Royal: I know but dammit I want this family to love me. How much money you got?
Royal: Lets shag ass.
Royal: That's right. We got another body buried here.
Ethel: Well I don't think it's very intelligent to keep an electrical gadget on the edge of the tub.
Eli: I did find it odd when you said you were in love with her. She's married you know.
Eli: You're in love with Richie. Which is sick. And gross.
Richie: I'm going to kill myself tomorrow.