Take Charge of Your Own Personal Development Now!

If you are of the opinion that you've finished with personal development, because you dealt with at school or college, then please stop reading this and do something else.

We never stop learning.

"Education is the great engine of personal development" (Nelson Mandela, First democratically elected State President of South Africa (1994), 1993 Nobel Prize for Peace).

Whether or not we have such high leadership aspirations, it’s up to all of us to take control of our own personal growth,if it’s going to be effective.

Where do we start?

Irrespective of whether you’re looking at personal growth in general,your own career development or a review in the light of recent job loss, they all have the same starting point. Before you consider drafting your personal development plan: You need to decide what you want..

When the mind has a defined target it can focus and direct and refocus and redirect until it reaches its intended goal.

Look at the various areas in your life and write down what you really want to happen in each of them. What does success mean to you?

Think about who you really are

Think about what you want to achieve in life. What would your friends consider to be your strengths and weaknesses? What’s your plan for turning the weaknesses into opportunities?

Write them down and work on them systematically – noting your progress as you do.

Here are some more suggestions to help you to take control of your personal development.

If you have enough reasons to do something, you can do anything

Write down your four most important goals for this year. Now write down why you are so certain that you’ll achieve them. Tell yourself why and why it’s so important to you.

Refer to your list at least once a day

Do what you enjoy

If you enjoy what you are doing you’ll be good at it. If you don’t love your work,don't risk burnout ,change jobs. Otherwise the best you can hope for is being just good enough!

Write down a list of the sort of work you enjoy doing the most. What needs to happen for you to be able to do more of it?

Don’t get stuck on a problem

Write it down and define it, then write down a list of all possible solutions - however remote. Eliminate those you decide will not solve your problem. Put the list in a drawer and stop thinking about it. When the solution comes to you, use it!

Get into the habit of redefining problems in terms of ideal solutions.

Never start with a clean sheet of paper

When you are faced with a new task, your first consideration should be to ask how other people have tackled this. Build on what is already working and you’ll enjoy your success that much sooner.

Ask others to ask others!

Visualise your goals

Observe your future achievements as if you were watching yourself in a black and white movie. Transform it into magnificent colour. Magnify the picture and sound. Then step into it yourself. What do you hear? What do you feel? Feeling is believing!

Write down your goals then systematically treat each of them as described above.

Learn to benefit from failure

Accept that mistakes happen. Get into the habit of treating each mistake as a learning experience. Extract the learning, build on it, say thank you to yourself, and move on.

Spend the minimum of time in ‘disappointed mode’, say thank you to yourself and move on.

Take some risks

Approach every new experience as a learning opportunity, rather than an occasion to win or lose. It will open you up to new possibilities and increase your sense of self belief and personal development.

Keep building on the parts that work and stop doing those that don’t.

Stop telling yourself what you don’t want

Identifying problems and focusing on them can easily lead you towards a downward ‘negative’ spiral. Each time you come up with a problem, flip it over and focus on the solution instead.

Repeat to yourself ‘what I want is’ every time you fear the worst happening.

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Decisions

Every day of our lives we are faced with Decisions.

Some are minor and we don't give them a second thought, like what we wear or what to have for dinner or which route to take to work?

Others have more serious, lasting consequences, such as, should I quit a job or make a large purchase such as a house or car.

Some have moral consequences. Should I keep a secret from my partner or lie to my friend? After all, telling them the truth may hurt their feelings.

With any major or moral decisions we make, we will wonder whether we made the right choice.

Of course, there will be times when we know before hand that we are making a bad choice, but we make it anyway. Sometimes we take the path of least resistance because we don’t have the fight in us anymore.

Then there will be the times when we will weigh all the odds, consider all of the options and take a "leap of faith."

There are no guarantees in life. Nothing is certain. That is why it's called a "leap of faith."

You make up your mind based on what you believe to be best and hope you are right. You always analyze the current information at hand.

Mistakes, if they are made, are simply lessons learned, nothing more. So, if things don’t work out, re-evaluate your current information and make your choice.

Base it on doing the right thing; take into account all concerned parties. We cannot please everyone all the time, so do your best, and do what you feel is right. Do the right thing because it is the right thing to do, not because you feel that it is what someone else would want you to do.

There is no way of knowing what's coming next in life. We don't even know if we will be here tomorrow, let alone what it will bring. For every action, there is a reaction. No matter how big or small, the choices we make will affect not only our life, but also the lives of those closest to us. Scary, huh?

Sometimes the thought of making a big decision scares us so badly that we become paralyzed by our fear and we refuse to do anything at all. We decide to not do anything. Keep in mind, not doing anything IS your decision. Think about that for a moment.

Doing nothing has become your choice! You decided to do "nothing". For better or worse, you have to keep moving. You have to keep making choices. All you can do is hope that you will not hurt others with your actions.

Do your best to be fair and truthful. No one has ever improved their life by waiting for things to change while remaining passive.

Are you faced with a big decision and don't know what to do?

Don't allow yourself to become stagnant. Have you ever seen water that doesn't flow? It is stagnant and green...eww! You don't want to become like that, for sure.

Talk to someone you trust. Research your options, evaluate your current information and decide.

It's never too late to change the course of your life.

No matter how long you have been on the path that has brought you discomfort, loneliness, heartache and emotional turmoil, it is not too late to try a different route.

Remember, life is a journey. You’re never a failure; you only have experiences.
Use your experiences to make better choices! The path you have taken may not have given you the best circumstances, but there is a world full of other paths that you can take. If you stop moving, it ends, you are unfulfilled, and you have doubt. You wonder if your dreams would have come true, IF only you had made that decision…

I don't believe that people make wrong decisions because things don't turn out the way they would have liked. Decisions are based on the information and knowledge at hand. As we get older, we look back at past experiences and decide that we wish we would have made different decisions.

We can only base our decisions and choices with the information and experiences that we CURRENTLY have. Sure we have regrets, but NEVER consider yourself a failure because you made an incorrect decision/choice! Always remember that it was based on the information you had at the time.

Remember that if things are not going the way you would like, do something different to get different results.

Ponder that for a moment. We can't stay in the same cycle of decisions/choices and expect things to be different or change to come.

When life gets tough, there is a lesson to be learned. Evaluate and see if it is for personal growth. Don't resist; insist on change to be all you can be in life.

Life is like a garden.
You reap what you have sown.
Did you choose the seeds you planted?
Are you pleased with what has grown?
You are the only person,
that can tend your garden's needs.
Did you nourish all your flowers?
Or were they overtaken by weeds?
Remember to pray for sunshine,
but do not curse the rain.
You can't enjoy the good things,
without understanding pain.
Sometimes the seeds we tend,
will wither and will die.
It's not required that we succeed,
we only have to try.

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Stress Management Techniques

Let's quickly discuss some causes of stress before we learn these stress management techniques

Most of these are those little four letter words like: work, kids, (Though they are also very much a blessing, I realize how stressful raising them can sometimes be!) Debt, Cash and it's four letter counterpart LACK. getting sick or being in pain are also causes of stress. Loss can cover a wide range of topics that can cause stress. Loss of a job, loved one, or a place we call home can be enough to send some people into deep depression.

In today's fast paced world there are many causes of stress, largely due in my opinion, to technologies that are suppose to save us time. Somehow it doesn't seem to work out that way as more is expected of that saved time than ever before. Longer work hours, multi-tasking, and the media all vying for our attention, can get a bit over whelming! But fear not! You've come to the right place for your stress relief needs!    

In order to stay positive we all need to learn some stress management techniques that are easy to remember and easy to use.

Stress management techniques list:

• Establish clear boundaries! You won't be able to use any of  these stress management tips if you can't say no to people who abuse your time.
• Take time out!There are only 24 hours in a day! Use some of that time to just enjoy yourself and the abundance of your surroundings.
• Take a walk. Any exercise is a great way to manage stress. Adding some beautifully scenery to the mix will greatly enhance your experience.
• Enjoy a pet. Adding a friendly pet to your life has proved many times to have staggering effects on reducing stress and health risks.
• Read a good book. Books can be a great escape from our reality. Their descriptive words make us use our imagination to sweep us into magical places.
• Simplify Your Life. Many times we all find we have just taken on too much! Make a list of things that you can delete from your life to simplify things. THEN DO IT!
• Find or take time to enjoy a hobby. You may even find this to become an extra income source!
• Take a hot bath. Soaking your troubles in a hot bath or gucuzzi is a great way to relax your muscles and relief tension. Add some scented candles to add aromatherapy for that extra boost.
• Listen to Soft Music Music is the gateway to the soul. Treat it to something soft and soothing.
• Begin Practicing Meditation. All of the Stress management techniques above are forms of this. Study and perfect a meditation regiment to quiet a noisy mind.
• Use Your Imagination! Your mind can be your favorite toy! Use it to take yourself on an imaginary trip to whatever place you can dream up. Get creative and let loose! Go to outer space and meet some aliens or into the woods to talk to the animals. It's all up to you what you can come up with. Don't let yourself feel like it's a stupid thing, Walt Disney made an Empire from his imagination and one of the most fun stress management techniques I can think of!
• Stress management training   Sometimes when dealing with stress, a professional is needed! If that is ever the case I hope you will seek one out quickly! However; stress management training can also help you be prepared for those rainy days that are sure to pop up! I'll be recommending some services for you very soon!

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There’s a wonderful story

A man fell into a deep dark hole in the ground.
He struggled to climb out - but the walls were too high.
He yelled for help but no one answered.
Luckily, just then, a friend was walking by and heard him.
The friend immediately jumped into the hole.
When the friend landed at the bottom …
The man yelled “Are you CRAZY! Why did you do that?! Now we’re both stuck down here. How will we ever get out?”


We’ll be fine, said the friend,

I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.

We’re all creative souls. We all create and design our lives - sometimes unconsciously.

But you CAN create the life you desire and manifest the things that are most important to you. How much joy, growth and fun are you experiencing? Not enough? Let’s do something about it.

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An Accident Is A Sign

The dictionary defines an accident as "an unforseen and unplanned event, or circumstance". So, could it be a sign that "maybe I need to slow down"? Maybe it could be a sign (or even signal) that jolts us out of a stale or confused mindset?..

Is this really such an alien concept?..

Thank you for coming back to me, because you do matter . An accident is not necessarily a "collision", but for those of us who are perhaps more "creative", it could also mean that a song, a painting, a drawing, a verse, etc works itself out due to no real intentional activity intiated by us. Does that make sense?..

Thank you yet again. In the same way, we can accidentally bump into certain people at certain times, who may end up shaping or changing our visions, life values etc because of their influence. So, in a nutshell, personal "accidents" are usually signs from god or higher forces, who are trying to tell us something important. .

What on earth is that supposed to signify??(I wanted a common picture of "happy people"). Ok, I get it, the art department is reminding me that it's time to go to the final section, and I'm proud of all of you who have come this far with me.

I hope "the going has been good" and not too "heavy" up till now? You see, I don't like "boring lectures" myself (oh man, the "university years" were a real snoozefest!), hence all the pictures to "spice" things up. Anyway, even if you've just joined in here, I'm still happy. Either way, let's go to fun & fun!..
    

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It's Ok To Lie, But Be Ready To Create Another 100 Lies To Conceal The Original..

Sadly, we all lie, and it's as common as taking a bath. However, ladies and Gentlemen, if you know one person in your lifetime who has never told a lie then I'll show you a drum that plays itself..

Oops! I asked for that one I guess, probably because i forgot to include "white lies" in the mix. What's a white lie? Well, they're supposed to be lies told to prevent us from hurting other people such as friends, relatives etc., and their feelings. They're quite sparsely used, and in fact, they're about as common as seeing a drum beat itself!..

Wahey! You're happy cause you understand, right? Ok, the above concept came into my life via an old but wise relative, but it still stands today. Just think about someone you know and perhaps even love, who is a compulsive liar, or perhaps likes "to bend the truth" a little too often..

Oh man, if they look like that as well, then they've also got other issues to deal with. However, if you still keep this "liar" in your mindset, you may also notice that not only do they eventually get caught but they also have to deal with "egg on their face" embarrassment when sussed out .

"Aaah! So that's what the fried egg pic was all about" I can hear you say. Yup, and furthermore, even when we lie (unless it's a white lie, which is harmless and bears no malice to anyone) , then there comes a point where our "yarn spinning" needs more lies to cover it up..

Ok, you're happy with that because you're an intelligent person , which means you know the difference between types of lying. You also that we always get caught when the lying or "yarn spinning" starts to get out of control, because by this stage it means our motives our definitely questionable . You understand all of that, right?..

(Oh man! Why is my art department so inconsistent?!)

Ladies and gentlemen, you know that lying constantly about too much on a long term basis, is bad for you, right?..

Yeehaa! Im glad you're with me! Besides, why resort to lies, when perhaps it's sometimes easier to just..

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Narrow It down to YES or NO

Say yes or no . It really is that simple..

Er, ok, it isn't quite that simple (even though YES and NO are very common words), but you're such a wonderful, intelligent bunch, that you know what I mean, right?..

Ok, you want more? Think of situations where you feel a little inconvenienced, and end up making promises you either have no intention of keeping, or just can't fullfil for whatever reason. Now, rather than enter into the recrimination realms of the common liar and the resultant loss of faith in you from the other party etc, wouldn't it sometimes just be easier to say yes or no ?

I can hear some of you saying that "it's easy enough to say, but have you tried to be that direct with your boss, wife,husband, neighbour, etc etc". And the answer is yes I have, and it does take courage, because even I'm not built like this..

Ok? So the next time you're vacillating or dawdling in giving a direct answer to even a simple (or common) request, please do consider the direct approach of "yes, I will" or "no, I won't".

After all, when people are reading their wedding vows to each other, they don't stand there saying "er, well, hmm, I think I can, and I guess I'll give it a shot" do they? I'm sure it's common for them to say..

I rest my case. Hang on, speaking of vacillating..

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If You Vacillate In Your Beliefs, Then You Will Be Tested

The term "flavour of the month" is used to describe..

No, it has nothing do do with a running banana whatsoever (why does the art dept insist on tormenting me like this?), but has more to do with what is "in" or really matters for this month, and usually applies to fashion and fads etc. However, there are also those of us who treat life in a similar manner. You know them because they are quite inconsistent in their beliefs, a bit like..

Er, well if they look like that then there is other problems to contend with, but on a serious note, would you trust someone who was constantly see-sawing in their beliefs that much? I thought you would'nt and neither do I.

Yes of course this lesson also applies to any spiritual and moral beliefs you may have, but that is an arbitrary decision based on upbringing and life experiences, etc. However, I must stress that if you are inconsistent and regularily vacillate in your belief systems , and of course this can encompass anything in life from your morals to your chosen faith etc, then you will be tested.

It's funny how the higher divine forces have ways of "putting us on the spot" when we tend to veer toward chop and change behaviour. There's usually some form of "straighten out" policy given to us from god and the divine nature of the universe. Don't believe me? Think about the last time you may have done a total volte-face for the sake of perhaps "fitting in" with a crowd, or a partner etc, and yet you felt inside that it wasn't really you anymore by doing this.

For example, in many relationships we tend to sometimes over appease the other person, as to show our love respect, etc. But there are invisible limits for us,that for whatever reason when we cross, we feel awkward about.

I mean, you wouldn't ask a vegetarian to suddenly start chomping on common burgers, steaks, etc. would you? No, because for starters, this would induce serious physical problems, never mind the negative emotional issues involved for violating their way of being.

Now some can use this dictum for their own malicious purposes such as racism, etc, but this is nothing to do with malice, and more do to with what you and your spirit or soul are comfortable and happy with, ok?..

I'm glad your smiling, cause I know that was one of the longest lessons so far, but I do sometimes feel that people just tend to jump on common or commercial bandwagons for the sake of it, without any real feeling or conviction behind what they are doing.

Awareness of oneself is what this site is all about, and you're almost there, because you are not ignorant . Speaking of which..

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Reticence And Ignorance Are Not The Same Thing

Of course they're not? Reticence is an inclination to keep silent, even when knowing the facts or information whereas Ignorance is a lack of knowledge . So why do I need to state the obvious in this case?..

Because everyday, people are mixing the two either unintentionally or deliberately for whatever reason they may feel comfortable with. Sadly, it's usually for bad intentions rather than the common good, and is of course another clever why of "lying through your teeth and getting away with it".

For example, I've witnessed many occasions involving incidents of varying natures, where there is always someone who knows what went on, yet out of reticence (for whatever reason), they choose to stay quiet. Unfortunately for them, sometimes years pass by and then they end up perhaps being in a similar situation themselves, with someone else doing to them what they once did (the reticence). Consequently, it's only then that they feel (or maybe remember) what they did , or rather didn't do when they had the chance.

Yes, even I have been guilty of this, and have paid accordingly, because this isn't a perfect world. But all I can say is, if you feel that someone or something can be righted or helped by your god given contribution, then please help if you can, because there may be a time when you need help, and "what goes around comes around"..

Thank you for being so understanding, and no I'm not saying "run out there and put the world to rights", but just be more considerate and "think twice" ok?..

Ok, now I know you do understand.

However, on a day to day basis, we are sometimes swamped with information, and making sense of it all can be quite a task. That's where our instincts or gut feelings come into play..

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There's A Fine Line Between Insight And Self-Delusion

Way back in lesson 2 , I described how going with your gut feeling is a good idea..

No it wasn't as long ago as that (that's my art department's idea of a, er, "common dinosaur"??). However, there are occasions when we sometimes convince ourselves that our feelings are guaranteed to be correct and hence take a course of action with, at best, mixed results..

Relax, I'm not here to confuse you ok? Think of a time when you were absolutely sure that something was going to work out exactly as you saw it in your mind , yet when the time came things went awry instead, which is fairly common?..

Good! Now I'm not a rocket scientist..

Er, that's right(??!), but what I do believe in is karma. More simply put, if you're a good soul, then god's delays are not god's denials . And on the contrary, if you've er "misbehaved", then what you sow , shall you reap is also true. Of course these two are interchangeable, and if you don't believe in god, just substitute with "nature", " positive higher force" , etc.

My point is that true insight can come to us in a moment of pure silence and that for some of us, can be rare. However, if you're a good, caring, compassionate soul, then you won't have to fudge your way through life as much as those who aren't.

Now this is entirely arbitrary, as everyone has their own definition of common "good and bad", but I have seen some unpleasant people end up so deluded in the perceived success of their ill gotten plans that failiure totally destroys them and teaches them very harsh realities about the laws of the universe..

For those of you who are already well versed in this, I apologize for the simplicity, but this is more for all of us, and especially those who have had many knocks in life, through no fault of their own. The good souls , with good intentions always get their dues and they know the art of patience too..

I said patience,not patient ?!?..

Ha Ha Ha! I'm glad you're happy too, and while I gently reprimand the art department again(now a regular and common occurrence), Why don't you cruise over to the next part, because it all makes sense, right?..

Right! My art department better explain that now..

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The 80:20 Rule

How many here enjoyed learning mathematics at school, college,etc?..

Ok, apart from him?..

Fair enough, at least someone did. However, this is a very simple concept, which I've tailored to reflect upon life in general, so relax ok?..

Good. The original concept is "80% of your profit comes from 20% of your product". In life, sometimes 80% of our consequences, are a result of 20% of our actions and decisions. Simple isn't it?..

I'm glad you agree, and so following on from this, even when we donate a small amount to charity or if, for whatever reason we feel inclined to hurt someone or exact unfair retribution out of malice etc , then the above rule does still apply ..

I don't feel the need to expand upon this, because I know how intelligent you are, and you're a star too, for coming this far into the site, learning as you go along, right? ..

Besides which, I think a publisher may be knocking on the door, wanting to turn this site into a book..

Oh, so that's who it was?! thanks to the art dept., I can always rely on someone or something to be less than perfect. Just like life itself, right? For if life was perfect, then we'd all be bored senseless, because we may not have to continously be engaged in learning more and more everyday ..

Thats just common sense, and if we use all our working senses together, then things definitely make er, better sense, right??..

Hahaha! Even I'm laughing at the obvious silliness of that statement

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Make An Effort To Talk To Someone Everyday

We all talk to someone everyday, don't we? Before anyone says, "I live alone" etc etc, then perhaps you talk to the mailman, the guy at the local store, your neighbor, a friend, family etc etc..

..Ok, if you don't talk to someone everyday then make an effort to do so. Why? because it really is good for you. No, I don't mean talk to an undesirable, bad vibe person, but what's wrong with even going to your local samaritans, or old peoples home, or hospice, and just seeing how some of the people there are? They usually have a lot of life experience that they love to share with others.

So now you have another way of expanding your learning curve, right?..

Think about it, because if you are still in "feeling sorry for yourself mode" (lesson 35), then this is a good way to snap out of it.

Believe it or not, there are many people out there who may be in a worse position than yourself and it's heaven sent how sometimes one person can lift another one up,without even realizing they've done so. The net result, therefore, is..

Yes! Because by giving in this way, we actually also tend to feel better ourselves. Is it really as simple as that? Yes it is!

I'm not saying go and join a "mission" and give up your life etc, but a little giving now and then (even if it's a chat where you may find yourself and the other party learning something new), is good for the soul.

That reminds me of a marketing principle which I was taught many years ago, when learning wasn't always as fun as it is on this site..

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Learn To Accept Both Praise And Criticism Well..

As kids, wasn't it a great feeling to be rewarded while learning about life in the classroom? Even a "well done" was enough to "make your day", right? It's fair to say then, that we all love praise..

But how many of us really like being criticized?..

Ok, apart from him? That's right, no-one likes criticism because it somehow always feels like its a personal affront even when it's constructive or well meant, which is unfortunate but true for most of us. However, if we were never criticised, then how would we know what to really improve upon? And no, I don't mean the kind of verbal lashing similar to that dished out by army personal..

Or even erm, someone like that, because that's also counter productive. As is a lack of praise..

Hey no need to look like that? Relax and remember that if it wasn't for criticism, then we wouldn't know what praise was or why it was being given to us.

Constructive criticism is a tool to initiate improvement and possibly more learning, whereas praise is a reward for performance and improvement..

..Simple when you know how isn't it? In the same vein, it's equally as simple to..

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Read Something Worthwhile On A Regular Basis

In all fairness,this could be anything from quick fictional stories to all out content packed broadsheet newspapers. Basically, these provide something to fire the imagination ..

..Exactly! Which may then propel you to build or make your own dream tangible and true, like many others do everyday.

Ok, I can hear the cynics say "what if you're dyslexic?". Well, even if it's very severe, then there are auditory aids available (dyslexic actors learn lines via a pre-recorded cassette or similar medium). There are also braille copies of works available for the blind, as well as the aforementioned audio help, in various guises, too.

So now that we know learning is a good idea, and is also a continual process

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Learn A New Skill

Now some of us find that we are constantly learning whilst at work, and more so if we read newspapers,etc, to keep abreast of worldly changes in every area of life . However, when it comes to improving our own "lot in life" so to speak, it's incredible how reluctant people can seem..

That's right, people end up mentally feigning as much relevance as a fish on a bike, in order to get away with not changing or enhancing their life. Sorry if I'm treading slightly old ground for those who've already read lessons 26 and 27 , but learning a new skill is a surefire way of enhancing your life, not only for now but in the immediate future too.

Now of course, I'm not saying that you should try to master every skill known to man as soon as possible, but it's a fact of modern life, that particularily in the field of employment, a jack of all trades who is a master of some will soon become common place, as economical and sociological changes mean many of us will relocate geographically, and also change jobs many times in our lives too.

So, learning a life enhancing skill perhaps in your spare time, maybe it's a hobby, etc, will stand you in good stead for the future too. Oh, and don't forget to do it on a regular basis..

Yes, even very wealthy and successfull businessmen are having to constantly learn and even relearn new skills all the time in order to stay ahead of the competition. However, if some of you really do not have the patience to sit through some form of course - even a correspondence style course, some of which are purely internet based - then the next best thing to do is..

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Only A Clown Is Rewarded For Making The Same Mistakes Over And Over Again

It has been said that insanity is repeating the same action over and over again, and expecting a different result. When I first heard that statement, my immediate question was "hey! what about artists, who consistently repeat a style or patterned way of doing things, which is how we identify them and their "style"? ".

I was generally referring to people such as singers, baseball players, football players, painters etc, and you can always go to StubHub.com - The Safe Way to Buy & Sell Tickets Online when you want to check your favourites out.

No, I don't look like that, but the answer to my question was that "the action has to be exactly the same each time", in which case I felt a little foolish and realized the true meaning of the statement..

..erm I guess I did er, feel like that. Anyway, unless you are a clown, in which case I have the utmost respect for you for bringing so much joy into so many peoples lives, then making the same mistakes again and again (i.e. more than 3 times perhaps) means there's some other reason or meaning that's not quite right, and perhaps needs to be remedied or rectified.

Now before the cynics leap in with "what are you trying to say here? that I'm a freak or insane?" , then, no I'm not saying that's the case at all, because we are all creatures of habit to some degree or form, as habit generates comfort or security and fullfils a need of belonging to a system or group. But bad habits or destructive negative patterns are counter productive..

Okay, some of you are confused, so more simply, if you can't figure out a way of doing something, and you keep repeating the same action expecting a different result, then you better stop and change your action. Is that better?..

Boy am I glad! Now in order to change a way of doing something you may need to..

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It's Better To Learn From Other People's Mistakes..

After all, learning from your own mistakes isn't really much fun, right? I can remember with quite some embarrassment of far too many occasions where I didn't pay heed to the above words..

Oh yes, but this hopefully makes more sense as we get older. The paradox of this statement is that some may say "well, if you're always learning from others' mistakes, then when exactly do you take action when you're not sure of any prior experience or advice?". Well, you "do the math" in your mind, so to speak, and you'll make it through with the minimum of fuss..

..Relax, for if god intended us to know everything about everything we'd be an extremely bored and boring bunch of people, right?..

Wahey! As you agree, then I can go further and say that when someone really is trying to talk you out of (or into) doing something, then listen very intently to what they are saying . After that, use your god given intelligence to decide what's right for you .

In all fairness, we all make mistakes, and that is generally how we learn about what not to do , but there are definitely occasions when it's best to learn from someone who perhaps unfortunately(or fortunately depending upon the circumstances) has already been down the path you intend to take, and as a result is a bit "battle scarred", yet full of useful and helpful knowledge..

They don't necessarily have to be very old, just someone who has already "been there and done that" . Besides which, although making mistakes is part of the learning curve of life, there's a lot to be said if you're making a habit of it, because..

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Don't Always Wear Black

I've recently realised that I don't actually have a lot of black clothes in my wardrobe (but then I know that there's always fantastic Designer clothing at YOOX to pick and choose from, when the need arises)..

No, I'm not as er, "colorful" as that, but the color black isn't something I've been personally keen on for various reasons. Firstly, I do actually feel a downturn in my mood when attired in a lot of black clothing. Secondly, unless it's winter, I don't see the point, as it is such a non-color.

I must stress that each to his or her own taste in clothes etc, but how many of people do you know that wear all black attire most of the time. I literally mean, black shoes, socks, underwear, dress or trousers. shirt, etc etc?..

Probably none, right? Okay, so should I really say any more on this?..

Er, thank you. (what is that supposed to represent my dear art dept.??). Life itself is a learning curve, and that's what I want to cover next. Hey whats the matter?..

Don't worry I'm not telling you what you don't want to know and you're the one in charge of you're life too, right?

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Don' t Always Stay At Home

I think this may apply to those of you who are perhaps hurting, grieving, or just for whatever reason are a little reluctant to leave the house..

Yes especially you bookish types too.Oh what the heck, this applies to everyone..

Great! Now that everyone's listening, what I'm trying to say is perhaps related to lesson 26 , in that a change will do you good. And for some people, being away from a familiar environment for even a short while will do wonders for them.

Many years ago,I went into temporary "self-imposed" exile, as I was grieving over a relationship, along with the feelings of "how could I get it so wrong" etc. Now it wasn't my friends and family who got me out of my state(although they did help), but my own god given initiative because I got fed up and bored of being this way and becoming something I never was.

Now I certainly wouldn't wish that on anyone, but the point I'm making is that if you stay cooped up in the same environment, then how are you gonna feel any better? Believe it or not, the world is a big place and it starts right out there from your window or doorstep..

That's right! Wahey! And my sincerest apologies to those who are living a transitory existance, such as salespeople, pilots, soldiers, and even musicians, for they hanker for the warmth and stability of one place, as to remain a recognizable constant in their lives..

Thank you for that, now where was I? Oh yes, I was cleaning out my wardrobe the other day and I noticed something..

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Don't Create Limits Out Of Fear Or Laziness

Many a time I have heard people say things like "no I can't do it, because it isn't me" or "no, it would alienate my friends,family, etc"..

Now unless you looked like this..

Then you really are er ok, okay? Yet again, even I am guilty of this. Many years ago, I bailed out of a charity bungee jump becuase I didn't want to be the only one to do it out of all my friends, who had their own excuses for not doing it, so I also bailed out, due to a need to "fit in"..

..I still feel a bit stupid about that, to this day. However, in a more everyday perspective, I again include myself in situations like not wanting to be promoted (I kid you not) because I didn't want to end up being "on my own" and "away from my friends". Now if I can be brave enough to admit to that , then I'm sure there have been many situations where you've also created limits out of fear of something-perhaps loss of friends, etc- or worse, just laziness..

..The classic "I can't be bothered to learn x, y, and z, just so that I can perhaps have a better job/career/life" is something everyone has uttered at some point or the other. However, please consider that if I hadn't bothered to learn to write in a more coherent manner, so you could read the content on my site (so that it would make sense to you and you'd -hopefully- enjoy it, not to mention the other " know- how" required), then this site, and these words would not..

..exist.

So, take my word for it, although it's good to be aware of your mortality, and respect and love others, it's also a good idea to recognize when to challenge yourself in a constructive human way, as to improve your life and that time usually arrives when boredom starts to creep in to your life..

..(sigh - according to the art dept., he's supposed to be an "agent for change"), yet again I am not saying take drastic measures to do all the potentially negative things ok? Good, we understand each other right?..

..I'm er glad, now it maybe a good idea to read the next lesson..Of course I'm assuming you are ready.

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