Austin Powers Goldmember Quote Page

Here is the place to find a great Austin Powers Goldmember quote. We have carefully selected these quotes for your own viewing pleasure.  

Goldmember: Can I paint his yoo-hoo gold now? It's kind of my thing you know.  

Goldmember: I'm from Holland. Isn't that weird?  

Nigel Powers: I took a Viagra. It got caught in me throat and I've had a stiff neck for hours.  

Dr. Evil: All right! Let me find my balls for God's sakes. 1, 2 and 3, OK. I'm OK.  

Austin Powers: You may be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater.  

Nigel Powers: Do you know who I am? Have you got any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? I mean look at you! You don't even have a name tag. You don't stand a chance. Why don't you just fall down?  

Dr. Evil: I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl.  

Austin Powers: Mole. Bloody mole. We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face. I want to cut it off, chop it off and make guacamole.  

Dr. Evil: Well congratulations numb nuts! You've succeeded in turning me into a frickin' Jack-in-the-box.  

Goldmember: Would you like a shmoke und a pancake?  

Dr. Evil: Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam. Which we shall call... Preparation H.  

Scott Evil: Yes I'd love some chocolate ass-cream.

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Royal Tenenbaums Quote Page

Looking for a Royal Tenenbaums quote? Here is the place for a quote from The Royal Tenenbaums.

Dudley Heinsbergen: You wanna play some word games or do some experiments on me or anything?  

Royal: I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. That's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.  

Margot: I think we're just gonna to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that Ritchie.  

Richie: Of course it's dark. It's a suicide note.  

Royal: I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a terribly attractive woman.  

Royal: That's the last time you put a knife in me! Ya hear me?

 Royal: Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hitting the cemetery?  

Royal: I know but dammit I want this family to love me. How much money you got?  

Royal: Lets shag ass.  

Royal: That's right. We got another body buried here.  

Ethel: Well I don't think it's very intelligent to keep an electrical gadget on the edge of the tub.  

Eli: I did find it odd when you said you were in love with her. She's married you know.  

Eli: You're in love with Richie. Which is sick. And gross.

Richie: I'm going to kill myself tomorrow.

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Funny Thoughts For The Day Cost Nothing

And Add Happiness, Thus Attracting Abundance

We live in serious, stressful times. Funny thoughts for the day have the power to ease our troubles and make our lives more enjoyable. When we enjoy life more, we activate the Law of Abundance.

Looking at life through the lense of humor and laughter somehow makes challenges more endurable. Funny thoughts remind us that everything is OK. Sometimes a funny random thought spoken by a friend or co-worker is all you need to lighten up for the moment.

Funny thoughts for the day are like taking our minerals, vitamins, herbs: they boost our immune system and lighten us up. They change our vibration, they even open our hearts to remember to be grateful for all we have in this moment.

Following are a small sampling of Ashleigh Brilliant's funny thoughts for the day, from the book, I Feel Much Better Now That I'Ve Given Up Hope ...

"How can you call it unreasonable when all I want is my own way?"
---Ashleigh Brilliant

"Sometimes the attention I get is worth the pain I inflict on myself to get it."
---Ashleigh Brilliant

Life can be a worthwhile, interesting experience from beginning to end. Or, it can be like mine.
---Ashleigh Brilliant

In the continuing war between good and evil, those of us with any sense will remain neutral.
---Ashleigh Brilliant

Sometimes my mind is so uncomfortable, I wish I could go somewhere and take it off.
---Ashleigh Brilliant

"I've always been the opposite of a paranoid. I operate as if everyone is part of a plot to enhance my well being."
---Stan Dale, Fantasies Can Set You Free

I'm a paranoid schizophrenic with low self-esteem. I'm afraid that no-one is watching me!
---Author Unknown

Inspiration For More Funny Thoughts For The Day

A great source for daily humor is a daily funny thoughts calendar. Place it on your desk or dresser and get your dose of clever wit each day.

Ashleigh Brilliant and his wonderful books are another great source of quick, accessible humor. Each page of each book has what he calls pot shots.

Each pot shot is no more than seventeen words and is accompanied by a humorous graphic. If you need some good laughter, we highly recommend Ashleigh Brilliant's books.

He'll provide you with tons of daily funny thoughts.

Here are a few more of Ashleigh's books:

•     I Have Abandoned My Search for Truth and Am Now Looking for a Good Fantasy
•     I Try to Take One Day at a Time, but Sometimes Several Days Attack Me at Once
•     All I Want Is a Warm Bed and a Kind Word and Unlimited Power: Even More Brilliant Thoughts

Funny thoughts for the day are meant to interrupt your regular patterns of thinking. It's been estimated that we have between 50,000 - 70,000 thoughts each day.

However, research reveals that most of these thoughts are repetitive, and are negative in nature.

A constant flood of unpleasant thoughts about ourselves, our lives, our crummy situations... We NEED funny thoughts!

If you have a source of funny random thoughts you think people would enjoy, please share it with us.

Wishing you much success in your quest for getting the results you want. We hope that our funny thoughts for the day have provided you with a chuckle or two and a bit of useful information.

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The place to find the best Anchorman Quote.

Anchorman is one of those rare movies that is full of great quotes. The Anchorman Quote page will give you the best of the best. Some quotes have even been awarded special awards. And here they are...

Bigheaded Award

Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to tell you this but I'm kind of a big deal.

Best Pick Up Line Award

Ron Burgundy: I'm gonna throw this out there; if you like it, take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.

Honesty Award

News Employee: It smells like Bigfoot's dick!

Best thing to say when a woman walks in Award

Ron Burgundy: 1001, 1002, 1003. Ohh, it's a deep burn! It's so deep! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm because I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting, but I did over a thousand.

Now here is your chance. Vote for the best Anchorman movie quote.

Anchorman Quote Poll

1.     Ron Burgundy: I love scotch. Scotch. Scotch. Scotch. Down into my belly.
2.     Brick: I'm sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
3.     Brick: I ate a big red candle.
4.     Ron Burgundy: It's so hot... milk was a bad choice.
5.     Veronica: Mr. Burgundy! You have a massive erection!
6.     Brick: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.

Here are some Honorable Mentions that didn't receive any awards but are still pretty funny!

Brick: LOUD NOISES!

Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.

Ron Burgundy: I'm proud of you fellas you all kept your head on a swivel and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight.

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What is your favorite Mean Girls quote?

Here is our Mean Girls quote section. The following quotes have received special awards...  

Worst Quote Award  

Bethany Byrd: Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!  

Modesty Award  

Gretchen: I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me, but I can't help it that I'm so popular.  

Dumb Statement Award  

Karen: There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!  

Best Advice Award

Coach Carr: Don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position. Don't have sex standing up. Just don't do it ok. Promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.

Now here is your chance. What is the overall best Mean Girls movie quote? Vote below.

• Janis: I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs.  
• Regina: I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.  
• Cady: Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus so that's not good.  
• Karen: It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.

Here are some Mean Girls quote Honorable Mentions that we had to include...  

Janis: That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet.  

Regina: No! Do you know what everyone says about you behind your back? Hmm? They say that you're a home-schooled jungle freak that's a less hot version of me! Yeah, so don't try to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology and shove it right up your hairy...  

Cady: I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.  

Karen: Well, I'm kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.  

Cady: Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.

Coach Carr: At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you WILL get Chlamydia and die.

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Austin Powers Movie Quote Page

Looking for an Austin Powers movie quote? Here is our list to those in search of a quote from Austin Powers.  

Austin Powers: She's the village bicycle! Everybody's had a ride.  

Austin Powers: I've been frozen for 30 years. I've got to see if my bits and pieces are still working.

Austin Powers: She's the village bicycle! Everybody's had a ride.  

Dr. Evil: I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.  

Dr. Evil: All right guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.

Austin Powers: Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!  

Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"

Austin Powers: That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly!  

Scott Evil: I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!  

Austin Powers: Well no offense, but if that is a woman it looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick!  

Austin Powers: I think you're shagedelic baby! You're switched on! You're smashing! You're shagadelic baby!  

Austin Powers: Pardon me for being rude. It was not me, it was my food. It just popped up to say hello, and now it's gone back down below

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Shrek Quote Page

Looking for a shrek quote? We have compiled this list for those in search of a quote from Shrek.

Donkey: You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly.

Donkey: And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man there were some strong gases eeking out of my butt that day.

Donkey: Please. I don't wanna go back there. You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well maybe you do but that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!

[about Snow White] The Mirror: Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy.

Donkey: Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.

Shrek: I have helmet hair.

Donkey: Come on princess you're not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you're only like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7.

Donkey: Then you gotta gotta try a little tenderness! Chicks dig that romantic crap.

Lord Farquaad: Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?

Shrek: No. I'm an ogre. You know... grab your torch and pitchfork. Doesn't that bother you?

Donkey: Don't worry princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until... No wait. I'm still afraid of the dark!

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Half Baked Quote Page

Looking for a Half Baked quote? Here is our favorite quotes from this classic stoner movie.

Thurgood: You have smoked yourself retarded.  


Kenny: You guys gotta get me out of here! There's this guy Nasty Nate who wants my cocktail fruit, and everyone here likes fresh fish! Then The Squirrel Master came out of left field and told me I'm his bitch!  

Thurgood: You know, I never thought I'd say this to anybody, but you two smoke entirely too much reefer.  

Crazy Smoker: You ever see the back of a twenty dollar bill on weed? Oh that's some crazy shit man. There's a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! Red team go! Red team go!

Sir-Smoke-Alot: Bitch! You know what I want! I wanna talk to Samson!  

Thurgood: I don't do drugs though. Just weed.  

Brian: No man. No Billy Bong Thornton without Kenny. That wouldn't be right. Get Wesley Pipes.

Kenny: In eleven days I'm as good as skewered! Ever take your clothes off and run backwards through a cornfield?

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The place to find the best Office Space movie quote.

Office Space is a classic comedy that is filled with great quotes. The Office Space Movie Quote Page will give you some of our personal favorites. Some quotes have even been awarded special awards. And here they are...  

Worst Idea Award  

Tom: It's a Jump to Conclusions Mat. You see... You have this mat with different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO.  

Straight-Shooter Award  

Peter: You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy it's that I just don't care.  

Honesty Award  

Peter: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. I use the side door that way Lumbergh can't see me. After that I sorta space out for an hour.

Now here is your chance. Vote for your all-time favorite between these Office Space movie quotes...

• Drew: I'm thinking about taking that new chick from Logistics. If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know... Oh! Oh! 
• Brian: Sounds like a case of the Mondays. 
• Tom: I have people skills. I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people? 
• Michael Bolton: If we get caught, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no. We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison!

Here are some Honorable Mentions that didn't recieve any awards but are still pretty funny!  

Peter: Good luck with your layoffs all right? I hope your firings go really, really well.  

Peter: Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. I can tell already. I'm gonna end up doing it because I'm a big pussy.  

Joanna: How dare you judge me? Look at you. You're just some penny-stealing, criminal man!  

Lawrence: Hey Peter man, check out channel 9, it's the breast exams.

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What is your favorite Zoolander movie quote?

The Zoolander Movie Quote Page shows you our top ten favorite quotes from the movie.

Here they are...

10  
Mugatu: Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

9  
Larry Zoolander: How? With your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear with your weiner hanging out for everyone to see?

8  
Mugatu: Oh I'm sorry. Did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building right now!

7  
Derek Zoolander: I think I'm getting the Black Lung Pop. It's not very well ventilated down there.

6  

Derek Zoolander: There was a moment last night when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen where I thought, "Wow! I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman."

5  

Hansel: You can dere-lick my balls cap-i-tan.

We decided to let you vote for the Top 4. Choose your favorite Zoolander quote...  

Mugatu: Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?  

Derek Zoolander: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?  

Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?  

Derek Zoolander: Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it.

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What is your favorite Dodgeball quote?

Here you will find our Dodgeball Quote page. If you haven't seen Dodgeball yet, it takes you through the life of easy-going Peter La Fleur whose local gym is highly in debt, and the only way to save it is by competing in a national dodgeball tournament. The film is loaded with laughs and we have even decided to give special awards to our favorite lines from the movie...  

Most Confused Award  

White Goodman: I know you. You know you. And I know you know that I know you.  

Most Disturbing Statement Award  

Patches: Come on! I've got better runs in my shorts!  

Motivational Statement Award  

Patches: There's a room full of guys and a lezbo counting on you!  

Obvious Statement Award  

Pepper Brooks: They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.

Now here is your chance. What is the overall favorite Dodgeball movie quote? Vote below.  

• Patches: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.  
• Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.  
• Patches: It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there.  
• White Goodman: That's pure floppycock! 

And here are some honorable mentions that didn't receive any special awards but couldn't be left out.  

Lance Armstrong: I've been watching the dodgeball tournament on the Ocho. ESPN 8. I just can't get enough of it.  

White Goodman: There's no reason we need to be shackled by the strictures of the employee, employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I've got some shackles in the back. I'm just kidding. But seriously... I've got them.

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Meet the Fockers Quote

Looking for a Meet the Fockers quote? Here is the place to find a great quote from Meet the Fockers.  

Jack Byrnes: If your family's circle joins in my family's circle, they'll form a chain. I can't have a chink in my chain.  

Bernie Focker: Can you believe I fathered him with just one testicle?  

Bernie Focker: If its yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down... Opps, looks like I forgot my own rule  
Local Cop: He's got a rubber boobie!  

Greg Focker: I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot! Check out those boobs. I just wanna lather them up with soap and rub my face in them. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry you're perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future, well, I'm looking, and I'm liking!  

Jack Byrnes: That's because that's from Debbie's left breast, Greg.  

Bernie Focker: There's my brother from another mother!

Pam Byrnes: No! After next month, I am going to be Pamela Martha Focker. I know how that sounds but I don't care!

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City Slickers Quote Page

Looking for a City Slickers quote? Here is our list of our favorite quotes from the City Slickers movie...  

Mitch: Women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place.  

Ed Furillo: What did you use for protection, paper or plastic?  

Mitch: Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep them dogies rollin', man my ass is swollen, Rawhide! Round em up, ride em in, get em up, get em dressed, comb their hair, brush their teeth, Rawhide! Tie me down, tell me lies, pull my hair, slap my thighs... with a big wet strap of Rawhide!

 Steve Jessup: Yes! We're black and we're dentists. Let's not make an issue out of it.  

Phil Berquist: He's not home! It's his night to be with the other escaped Nazis!  

Clay Stone: I feel as happy as a puppy dog with two peters.  

Mitch: You know that's such a lovely image... "fuck her brains out." It ranks right up there with that other classic: "bang the shit out of her.  

Phil Berquist: I lost my wife, I lost my job, and I'm developing some kind of rash!

 Bonnie Rayburn: I need him to treat me right, and he needed to empty my bank account! Mitch: Excuse me el doctor! Hello? Don't sew anything up that's supposed to remain open ok?

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What is your favorite Van Wilder quote?

Here you will find our Van Wilder Quote page. Here is a collection of our favorite quotes from the movie.  

Van Wilder: Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.


Taj: Tit! Oh, mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred. But I hear "milk" and I think giant jugs. You see... I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving.  

Van Wilder: Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.  

Van Wilder: If he's here who is running hell?

Van Wilder: I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me.  

Taj: That's no bong. It's for my shlong.  

Van Wilder: All this time I thought I was more to you than just a flaccid story.  

Van Wilder: If Milty Mingleton can shove himself into that weenie bikini, then you don't need to be shy about making your donations to the swim team.  

Gwen: Well it's kinda hard to in 15 seconds.

Here are our Top 4 favorite quotes from the movie. Vote here for the best Van Wilder movie quote...  

• Van Wilder: I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.  
• Van Wilder: Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.  
• Van Wilder: Her name is Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.  
• Van Wilder: We'll be accepting donations in the form of cash, visa, and full frontal nudity.

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Austin Powers 2 Quote Page

We have compiled this list of for those who want an Austin Powers 2 quote. Don't miss these quotes from this great comedy.

Scott: If you've got a time machine, why don't you just go back and kill Austin Powers when he's sitting on the crapper or something?  

Dr. Evil: Well it's true! You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough.  

Felicity Shagwell: Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, shag very well by reputation.  

Fat Bastard: Of course I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead.  

Dr. Evil: I would probably move on, get another clone but there would be a 15 minute period there where I would just be inconsolable.  

Dr. Evil: Mini Me, stop humping the laser.  

Fat Bastard: I'm bigger than you and higher up the food chain. Get in my belly.  

Fat Bastard: First things first: Where's the shitter? I've got a turtle-head poking out.  

Austin: I don't care if he is a fat bastard Felicity. You don't kick a man in the pills. It's just not cricket.

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